


Earwyrms aren't too friendly

by NotVerySorryHetalian



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2020-03-05 12:25:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18828652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotVerySorryHetalian/pseuds/NotVerySorryHetalian
Summary: It's America's turn to host the world meeting but he doesn't show up.The nations investigate and find everything isn't as it seems.....





	1. Where is America?

“He’s late again,aru.”  
“It’s literally his turn to host the meeting, how is he late?”  
“ This is Alfred we’re talking about here so maybe he got sidetracked by food or something…”  
“ Why don’t we go pay him a visit, ja? If he tried to avoid the meeting then he can’t avoid us at his front door.”  
One small problem. None of present nations know where Alfred lives, well except for Matthew. “ Um... excuse me. I know where he lives..” Nobody seemed to notice him. Maybe he needed to speak louder than before.” Hey. I know where Alfred lives.” Still nothing.” Hey! I KNOW WHERE MY IDIOT BROTHER’S HOUSE IS.” Finally Gilbert looked his way.” Did you just call your brother an idiot? verdammt, my awesome self must be rubbing off on you Birdie.” Ivan turned and grinned. “ You are knowing of where he is, da?” Matthew nodded out of fear. Ivan can be very convincing at times. Arthur rolled his eyes and muttered “I’m surrounded by idiots. Well, mostly by idiots.”  
Upon arriving at the two-story home, Matthew stopped Ludwig from knocking on the door.  
“ So I’m just gonna stop you there,eh.” Ludwig raised an eyebrow. “ It’s just that if you knock on the door and start yelling you’re probably going to get shot.” Ludwig rolled his eyes as he watched Matthew knock once lightly. Before he could knock again the door whipped open and a pistol leveled itself between his eyes.

/p/“ Who the fuck are all of you and what’re you doing here?” Alfred growled. There was a vicious glint in his eye. Matthew could barely squeak out “ alfred?” If you looked close enough Gilbert was being held back by his brother. “ Alfred? What are you doing? “ That was enough to make Alfred cock the gun. “ How do you know my name? “ His eyes shifted to France. “ Alfred, the joke isn’t funny anymore so put down th- AGH!!” In the middle of Arthur speaking Alfred dropped his shoulder and fired a shot between England’s feet. “ Not loaded huh Angleterre?” Francis scoffed. “ Alright… Enough of this. How about YOU get off MY property and I’ll forget this happened. Mkay? ” Normally Alfred smiling wouldn’t be considered scary but this time was different, this time Al might pull the trigger on his brother if they’re not careful, this time it was a sinister smile. “ Alright. Okay we’ll go, ja? Just don’t kill your brother bitte?” Seeming satisfied, Alfred put his gun down “ Coolio! I don’t ever want to see you around here again, got it? “ Matthew scrambled back to the group. Prussia was glaring daggers. As the party of nations left, England felt something was off and did a quick headcount. He was sure they had arrived with more people than they left with./p/  
Germany? _He’s here._  
Italy? _Check._  
Japan? _Check._  
Russia? _Yes. He’s still here._  
Canada? _When did he get here?_  
Prussia? _Does he ever leave? No._  
Spain? _Ugh. Check_  
France? _Ew. He just winked at me. God strike me blind._  
China? Well, I just saw him a minute ago...Maybe Ivan is standing in front of him….No. Oh god.  
Just as the realization struck Arthur’s phone chimed in his pocket. It was a text from Yao.  
**_Hey loser, are you coming in or am I kicking his ass alone?_**  
Normally Yao would’ve called but if he wanted to live texting would have to do.  
**_You’re inside the house, aren’t you? How did you even leave because I didn’t see you._**  
Yao almost instantly replied  
**_I snuck off as the fat-ass opened the door with the gun. The moron left a window open on the second floor._**  
Arthur pursed his lips and sighed heavily. One of these days he’ll get himself killed. After telling everybody about the new situation.  
**_Hang on, he’s talking to somebody. There’s one or two people and one has a southern accent. I can’t make out what they’re saying but Alfred seems angry at the Southerner._**  
_Oh goodie!_ Arthur thought bitterly. “ Oi, Ludwig. There’s more than just America in the house it seems.” Germany rubbed his eyes and also sighed heavily.” Wunderbar. Tell Yao to stay where he is and if he gets killed it’s his fault.”  
Stay wherever you are and do try to stay quiet. We don’t need you dead.  
No response. A minute passes.  
**_Hey so I got good news and bad news... The bad news is I think they know I’m here…and they’re looking for me.The good news is I haven’t been found yet._**  
 ** _Oh shit someonescoming._**  
“ Uh right well do we have a plan ready yet?”  
“ No, England-San. We are still working on it. Is there any new information? ” Everybody sat in a circle on the grass far enough away so Alfred couldn’t see them.  
“ I’m not sure but let me ask him.” Arthur powered his phone back on and found a chilling message from a number he didn’t recognize.  
**_Howdy. If you want your friend back alive I reckon you should come on back to the front door and wait. -Texas_**


	2. Welp, Found Al but who's this nut?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hmm what fuckery is happening here?

Arthur must’ve made a noise because Russia stood up and grimly as he could sound asked  
“He got caught didn’t he?” Arthur nodded. “ He got caught by some bloke calling themselves Texas .“ Matthew stood up. “ Did you just say Texas? “ Arthur looked confused “ Did… somebody just speak? “ Matthew cleared his throat and went for top volume again. “ I said ‘Did you just say Texas?’ “ The puzzlement deepened. “Yes but why someone calls themselves Texas is beyond me. “ Matthew paled and started jogging to get back to the house. “Birdie! Where are you going? We don’t have a plan yet.” But he just kept going forward. “If we don’t get ‘er moving now China’s going to get hurt or worse.” "Hey! Slow down. Who’s ‘he’ and why does this guy have you so freaked out? “ Spain called out and this time Canada turned on his heel and ran back to the group.” I’m freaked out because Texas is a literal demon and if he’s caught China then we don’t have much time before matters get worse. He wouldn’t do anything dangerous out of his own volition but since Al was being so hostile earlier…...I wasn’t there for the Alamo but I’ve heard stories.” Canada flipped around again and jogged back to the house. As soon as he stepped foot on the porch the door swung open again and this time a blonde teenager wearing a cowboy hat and had the trademark glasses that signified this kid was Texas.  
“Howdy there, friend. Are we waiting on anyone else? No? Ah guess ah scared ‘em off with that text, huh? “ Matt had forgotten about how thick the Texan’s accent was and struggled to make sense of his words.  
“ Uh well, they didn’t want to get shot as soon as they stepped foot on the premises...so yeah…” Matthew said thinking back to the pistol that had been aimed at his forehead. “Look I’m gonna be up-front with you, Texas. All my friends and I want is our friend back in one p--” There was the sound of a firing pin getting pulled back and a revolver had been drawn.  
“ Now I’ma stop ya there,pardner..How in tarnation did you know I was Texas? “ Canada cursed mentally. Tabarnak, If Alfred almost shot me because Papa knew his actual name then same thing must go for Texas. “ Your accent gave you away. Also your clothes.” he lied through his teeth. The Texan holstered his gun and squinted. “Alright-y then, how about you go get yer pals and then y’all can on inside and we’ll just negotiate peacefully!” His tone implied cheerfulness but his eyes were dead serious. Both parties silently walked away. After Matthew felt he was far enough away to take a deep breath, he did and thought over the events that occurred earlier. First, Alfred nearly shoots him and Arthur and now Texas is acting just like Al, not seeming to recognize anybody at all. Italy was sitting down in a patch of shade and picking flowers to make flower bracelets for his friends, humming quietly to himself. " What're ya makin' ,eh?" The Italian looked up from his work and smiled. " I'm making flower crowns but the stems are very short. Too short, I think."

England called over from the huddle of nations that they have a plan to get China out of the house.


	3. OK Let's Go Save China...?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Disaster Squad goes into unknown territory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY. IM WRITING TO KEEP MYSELF AWAKE!!!! WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG???NOTHING!  
> HAHAHHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHHAHkillme

"Right, Here's the plan: Spain, Canada, Prussia and, Japan will go distract America and whoever else is in the house while the rest of us go find China and leave."  
Japan raised his hand and asked " What if we can't keep him distracted? " Germany slicked his hair back and reassured his ally "You'll be fine. It won't be difficult to keep him distracted."  
They teams split and began their plan. The rescue half had a small hitch: How in the FUCK did Yao get up to the open window on the second floor? The nearby tree branch could hold some weight but in all actuality, the branch would snap under Italy's weight and was too far away from the window anyway. A rock beaned Germany in the head. Whipping around to see who threw the rock, Germany saw Russia in the upstairs window with another rock in hand. " How in the hell did you get up there? " He hissed, trying not to be heard by the people inside. Russia pointed down at a trellis that led up to the window. Nobody knew which was scarier, not hearing Russia climb said trellis or his aim. Germany sent Italy up ahead of him, the latter being lighter than the former. As soon as everybody got inside, Germany shut the window. Russia held up a crushed alarm and smiled sweetly.  
The distraction team walked up to the front door and knocked. This time a teen that looked very similar to France after a rough day of going on strike answered the door. He had choppy,shoulder length strawberry blonde hair and violet eyes sat on top of heavy eye bags." I s'pose y'all are gonna wanna come in?" he asked with an unmoving expression. ".....don't forget about yer shoes, I don't particularly enjoy mopping up mud." As Spain took off his shoes he noticed a thick odor of bourbon wafting off of the teen. Subtly he made a drinking motion to Romano. Sadly, the Spaniard wasn't as slick as he thought because the teen grabbed him by the collar of his uniform and pulled him down."I am not drunk,Sweetheart. I work at a distillery." he sighed heavily and released his hold on the nation. He motioned to the living room and muttered something about them going to sit down and wait in there. When the distraction squad walked into the room, it was a chaotic sight to behold. America was scowling at who they could only assume was Texas, who was sitting on his lap and wasn't budging no matter how hard the former tried to push him off. "What happened-- _Texas get off_ \-- to our deal? _Texas, I ain't fuckin' around. Off. Now._ **_I won't hesitate to shoot you in the foot_**..ANYWAY, What am I going to do about you? I've got a wannabe-spy upstairs and all of you chucklefucks down here." Japan's eyes widened. "What do you mean 'wannabe-spy'?" America locked eyes with the Japanese nation and calmly said " Oh, you know.....The Chinese man who thought he could be slick and sneak off into the second story window.....You know the one." Canada cleared his throat "No we don't,actually." The Canadian was doing his very best to keep his brother distracted. Prussia apparently did not hear the 'keep him distracted' part of the plan because he immediately corrected Canada." What? Yes we do, we're here to di--Mmph!" Spain slapped a hand over his friends mouth, smiling nervously. America threw his hands in the air slightly, exhaling annoyedly. " Y'know....Your pal with the ponytail and enough sass to cripple a man?" Now his confident smile faltered. " He was just with you....unless you're stalling...What's the real reason you came in with so few people?" America was just talking to himself now. " Tex, get upstairs NOW. These guys are a distraction! You made a HUGE mi--" His rant was cut off as Japan pulled his katana and held it to his friends throat. " America-San, you are not well. Please don't make me hurt you." the superpower stood but did not dare move. Texas sauntered in and noticed what just happened. " OOH FEISTY!!!! OUR BATTLE WILL BE LEGENDARY!!" Texas turned his head in time for our Prussian friend to seemingly appear a few steps above him. " Kesesesesese! A worthy opponent, I will enjoy zhis!" Texas pinwheeled his hands but couldn't save his balance. He teetered backwards and fell down the stairs, hitting his head on almost every step, he was unconscious by the last step. Kentucky poked his head out from the kitchen, not caring at all that his friend is KO'd at the foot of the stairway or that America is currently being held at sword-point." Can ya'll keep it down out there, please?"

Kiku was close enough to Alfred to notice something rather odd... America was doing everything in his power to not make eye-contact with Japan. " America-San. Look at me." He turned his head away from Japan. " Nah, I'd rather not..." Kiku reached up and tried to grab Alfred's chin but the taller nation huffed and turned to meet Japan's eyes. " There. Are you satisfied yet?" His violet gaze held annoyance and something else.  _Wait.Violet? That's not right he's got blues eyes, right?_ In the time of Japan realizing something wasn't right with America's eyes, his katana had dropped along with his guard. America slapped the blade down and pulled Japan into a headlock. " _ **Everybody freeze.**_ " Russia came downstairs carrying China bridal-style with the rest of the Disaster Squad in tow. Italy was pleading with America while Germany stood calculating his chances. " Heyheyhey, jus' chill alright? I'll let him go when you all  _leave and don't come back,_ kapeesh? At the bottom of the stairs, Texas began to wake up. " ......yeowch. Oh hey Canadia! What're you doing here?" The purple color drained out of the Texans eyes, revealing brownish eyes. " It's Ca--You called me by my name, more-or-less." Canada instinctively corrected. There was a heavy sigh from the direction of the kitchen and the clattering of dishes being put down. Kentucky walked out from the kitchen and paused as Prussia landed headfirst on the ground, having jumped the railing to surprise the Kentuckian. " You'll hafta try harder than that, buddy." 

Canada was shocked. Texas had gone from being cold and menacing to his usual self in a few minutes. "You didn't recognize me at all earlier today." Texas raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Yer point bein'......?" He evidently had no recollection of the previous events. " It's nothing....." 

Meanwhile, in America's grip...

Japan noticed his brother's eyelids flutter. _He's faking it. If he can so can I, right?_ As America was talking to the others, Japan let himself go limp and let America take his weight. Italy must have figured out what Japan was playing at because he drove the act home by screaming  _super_ realistically. America loosened his grip enough for Japan to whip his head backwards and smash the American in the face. America staggered backwards holding his nose, blinking rapidly. His eye color shifted back to blue. "OW. Japan, what the hell? What was that for??????" It seems like head trauma will reverse whatever had been done..

 


	4. Oh Look, A Barfight. Neat.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Disaster Gang + America and his lil bro's go to Virginia.
> 
> What could POSSIBLY go wrong???
> 
> Please pray for Kentucky. Nothing's wrong with him, he just has stupid names for everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. I know i'm awful at updating......It doesn't help that the actual story i have written is in a notebook.
> 
> So, I may post empty chapters with titles because i haven't split up the notebook into chapter-sized chunks yet so chapter title town here i come........I'll fill em in eventually.
> 
> Thank you for reading this trash fire!

Kentucky had a few options to work with.

  * A.) Gun for the Big Scarf Man. Bad plan. Muscles von Tank-top would get in the way along with Eyebrows. Too many injuries to himself.
  * B.) Wait to be attacked. Snow White on the floor looked ready to pounce. Slightly better but still not a great idea. He would get way too beat up
  * C.) Run. Sounds good. Come back with some of the better fighting siblings. Good plan but it'll take too long. Also Ramen Noodle looks fast and could probably catch up quickly.



He sighed heavily, knowing his only good choice.

  * Surrender. Don't make a fuss and everything  _should_ go alright. 



Kentucky knelt down with his hands in the air. "I'm unarmed." He looked up just in time to see Ponytail sending a hard kick his way. Kentucky saw stars and then black inky darkness. 

 

Now to get down to business, China was awake and quite possibly had been this entire time. Prussia gathered himself and sat up on the floor.

"China, you stole my thunder! I was totally going to punch his lights out!" America walked out of the living room and stepped over his little brother to get into the kitchen, poured a glass of water and then dumped it out onto Kentucky's head(who promptly sputtered back to life). He helped his state up to their feet. 

"Daniel, you gotta stop working at that distillery. Its causing you to do some stupid shit, my dude" Alfred tsk-tsked. Kentucky brushed himself off and glared at America.

"I did. I  _VOLUNTEER_ there now but I haven't gone to work yet this week." He huffed. Kentucky rubbed his head and looked over to China.

"Miss, you've a got a helluva leg for kickin'. D'you play soccer or summat?" China inhaled dangerously. Then released his breath.

"I am a man." Daniel swallowed harshly and his face turned beet-red. "S-sorry about that, sir." Italy finally snapped out his hysteria to realize that everything was okay.

He immediately ran to Germany and hid behind him because of America looking very sour-faced. With a sigh, Alfred turned to face the group of nations gathered in his house.

"Ya'll can go. I can handle this situation myself.." But the way he was holding himself said otherwise. He stood without the air of optimistic cheer that he normally had and instead seemed quite sad and weary. England didn't budge at all from his spot on the stairs. "No, I'm not going anywhere. Not until you explain why on EARTH you let your secret service agents codename themselves after states and dress like the stereotype." America went wide-eyed and looked almost frightened when he heard the back half of what his brother had said. 

Texas smiled as he gleefully said " We ain't no  _secret service agents._ We are his little brothers. Or kids. Ain't nobody sure, Iowa's got theories that seem pretty convincing." He puffed out his chest as Kentucky came in and whapped him forcefully with a rolled-up magazine. All Russia could get for the title was 'Horses' and nothing more. "Idiot! You shouldn't even listen to that Hoosier, you and I BOTH know that Iowa is the top-tier gas station crackhead." Kentucky flipped his bangs out of his eyes in a very France like manner.  This came as a shock to most of the Disaster Squad, excepting Canada because he already knew. That settled it for the rest of the nations, now they just had to know what was going on in this household. 

Spain had to duck out to answer a call because his phone started blasting the Macarena, Romano's ringtone. He wasn't even gone for 3 minutes when everybody left the house and started to get into the cars they drove to the house in. Kentucky tossed something to Texas who snatched the item out of the air. America looked exasperated which was kinda weird for Spain to see, but not the weirdest thing he'd seen today. 

"Are we heading back to the Meeting Room?" He asked.

Germany shook his head and told him that they ere going to go check on the neighboring state before heading back to the Meeting Hall. 

"Lo siento, mis amigos...I have to go check on Romano, he's worked up over something and he wanted me to come over there and help him." Germany sagely nodded,having been through those kind of situations before.

In the first car we have a quiet group, Canada was taking a nap while Prussia snored softly on his shoulder. Japan had his camera out and was taking pictures of the green countryside of Virginia. Texas was driving and had country music playing on the radio. Russia sat quietly, knitting away and enjoying the music.

Meanwhile, in the second car, it was chaos. 

England and France (the only reason he wasn't in the car he drove was because he 'locked' himself out of his car) were arguing in a mix of French and English, China was getting very close to snapping because of the arguing. Kentucky was feeling the same way because out of frustration, he slammed the brakes after warning China of the impending impact. The car was silent after that.

A couple hours later, the Disaster squad arrived at a very rundown looking bar, with rusted pick-up trucks in front to finish off the rustic get-out-while-you-still-can vibe. France opted to stay outside with Italy, aware of the possibility of a bar brawl. As they headed inside the bar, England and Prussia both got pumped for some alcohol because car rides are annoying and also because beer. America paused in the doorway, thinking hard about something.

"I don't think I'm supposed to be in here..." He muttered. "I'm forgetting something important." Still, he walked inside and sat down at a booth near the the bar.

Germany squinted at America questioningly."Are we here to get something greasy or--" A new voice cut off the German.

"Ahd sure as Hell hope that ain't you, Jack." The voice held a thick southern accent and quite a bit of venom. Everyone present in the bar looked for the source of the voice.

A teenaged girl with fiery ginger hair stalked up to the booth and slammed her hands down on the table. "What in Sam Hell are you doing here? Y'know I told you to stay clear of this here bar." She glared at him with very familiar green eyes. Alfred swallowed nervously.

"I-i think your confused, dude. My name is Alfred, not Jack." That statement only made her angrier but she backed away from the table. 

"No I know perfectly well who you are, Jack. Take your work friends and get out of here before I get really angry." She threatened. America only blinked in confusion. England spoke up from the bar. 

"Just leave him alone, would you? He doesn't have a clue who you are..." He sipped his beer, unsatisfied with the taste. She jabbed a thumb at England. 

"You just let the Redcoat back in here? He bribe you or summat?" Then the light went off in America's head, he remembered why he felt like he wasn't supposed to be there. His demeanor changed again, this time to calm and collected.

"Hello, Virginia." He said calmly while glaring at Texas and Kentucky who were both hiding their faces and looking elsewhere. "It's been a while, huh?" Everyone tensed up, America never postured like this unless he was about to fight. 

"Yeah, you could visit more often ya jerkface...." To everyone's surprise and confusion, America pulled Virginia into a hug after a few more seconds of tense silence. He stood up and cleared his throat.

"Everyone, I'd like you to meet my lovely state of Virginia. Meet Dixie Kirkland-Jones." 

There was a moment of silence before England shattered it with a simple statement.

" _What in the_ ACTUAL  _fuck?"_ He set his glass down gently on the counter. Dixie rounded on the Brit.

"You got a problem, Yankee?" she glared with an intensity equal to England's current glaring. He spun around on his bar stool, sour look on his face.

"Yeah, this beer is disgusting along with this bar.-" he gestured to the decor and some of the patrons began to stand but Dixie waved them off."- That's my problem, love."

Kentucky was shooting glances between the group and what could turn out to be a nasty bar fight, having seen the ferocity of Virginia's left hook.

Japan just wanted to not have conflict but wasn't quite sure how to deescalate the situation so he just watched along with Italy, who was trying (and failing) to not have a freakout. 

Germany was ready to intervene and stepped between the state and nation. Sure enough, neither parties tried anything violent.  _Thankfully._

America pulled his state aside and whispered something in her ear. Her posture changed from being angry to being relaxed and calm. Which was relieving and concerning in and of itself. He's not known for deescalating things......Dixie wanders over to France and throws her signature left hook, taking him down to the ground. America gasps in horror while a creepy smile crawls across Russia's face.

She turns slowly to face the group, with blazing violet eyes and a grim smirk. Wordlessly, she launched herself at the nearest person. England braced for a punch to his face but was greeted with nothing. Her fist was stopped inches in front of his face by Russia's own hand. She glared angrily and yanked her hand backwards and elbowed Spain, knocking him out almost immediately. While Virginia was attempting to fight England and being held off by Russia, America was up to something.

Japan noticed right away the change in eye color and the return of the malicious demeanor. America was pretending to be normal and was using his state as a distraction to escape. Japan jumped in front of America and blocked his exit route.

"Dude, move." Alfred growled.

"No." Japan watched China round on America from behind, both waiting for something to happen.

'America' rolled his eyes and charged Japan, forcing him to grab America and flip him on his back.

"That's gonna get annoying _real_ quick." America got back up and dodged a blow from China, who went crashing into Japan. England took notice of the situation and pulled out his wand to stun America and the former colony. Unfortunately he only got the chance to stun Virginia, who stepped into the path of the magic bolt. She tensed up immediately but that's what was needed for America to escape the bar.

"Verdammt!

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
